A TEACHER'S GUIDE

1. GOOD STUDENTS move away.
2. New students come from schools that do not teach anything.
3. The teachers' lounge will be the worst room of the school. It will contain ratty furniture and one noisy mimeograph machine.
4. The shorter the working time, the more the mimeograph will malfunction.
5. The clock in the instructor's room will be wrong.
6. Children who touch the instructor will have scabies or bubonic plague.
7. When speaking to the school psychologist, the teacher will say "wierdo" rather than "emotionally disturbed."
8. Disaster will occur when visitors are in the room. Board members will experience the greatest room disaster.
9. THE TIM A TEACHER takes in explaining is inversly proportional to the information retained by students.
10. Extra-duty nights will occur when the best shows are on TV.
11. The problem child will be a School Board Member's son.
12. The instructor's study hall will be the largest in several years. The administration will view the study hall asa the teacher's preperation time.
13. Students who are doing better are credited with working harder. If children start do to poorly, the teacher will be blamed.
14. Clocks will run more quickly during free time.
15. A meeting's length will be directly proportional to the boredom the speaker produces.
16. On a test day, at least 15 percent of the class will be absent.
17. If the instructor teaches art, the prinicipal will be an ex-coach, and will dislike art. If the instructor is a coach, the principal will be an ex-coach who took a winning team to the state competition.
18. A subject learning to the teacher will bore the students.
19. Murphy's Law will go into effet at the beginning of an evaluation (of the teacher's job performance).

A service of the National Association of Workshop Directors